A marriage is not something to be entered into quickly or without much forethought—and it shouldn’t be ended too hastily either. While there are many valid reasons to get a divorce, it’s important that you take the time to mull over this decision, seriously consider what a divorce will mean for your life, and determine if it’s really the right thing for you at this time. To help you work through this decision, here are four questions we recommend asking yourself before you file for a divorce.
Do You Still Have Feelings for Them?
Many divorces happen because at least one partner simply feels that their love has died. But it’s also possible to want a divorce for other reasons that don’t involve your feelings for your spouse at all. It’s important to think about whether or not you still have feelings for your spouse, and decide how that weighs into your decision. While there’s certainly nothing wrong with still wanting a divorce, despite still loving your partner, you should consider how those lingering feelings will impact your divorce.
Are those feelings going to be able to sway your decision down the road, after you’ve begun the divorce proceedings? Are those feelings strong enough that you want to try to work through the other issues that are pushing you towards divorce? If you do divorce, the loss of the relationship can be much more emotionally taxing when you still have feelings for your ex; how will you cope with that pain?
Are You Using It As a Threat?
Sometimes, divorce can come up during a heated argument between spouses, when tensions are running high. This could be something you say out of anger or frustration, a threat you make to get your spouse to take you seriously, or an ultimatum you’re providing to push for the change you want to see. But it’s important that, if you’re going to bring up divorce, you really mean what you’re saying.
Threatening to file for divorce again and again can cause you to become “the spouse who cried divorce,” and it will have little meaning. But more importantly, divorce should not be a weapon that you or your spouse use against each other during arguments. If you’ve brought up divorce to your partner, take some time to really consider if you’re ready to close this chapter on your life, or if the threat was simply an emotional response in an argument.
What Do You Want from a Divorce?
We’re not talking about what assets you want to have awarded to you in your legal divorce here; instead, it’s important to think about what you hope to gain in your personal life as the result of a divorce. Are you hoping to start a new life as an independent person, separate from your spouse? Are you looking to regain some sense of identity by no longer being in a relationship? Are you looking for more freedom?
All of these are valid reasons to want a divorce, but you should examine your reasons and determine if the things you’re searching for can be attained within your marriage. Perhaps you could talk to your spouse about having more time to pursue your own interests, or try to find other ways to feel more independent even while being in a relationship. If that doesn’t seem achievable, then you should pursue your divorce.
Are You Ready for the Consequences of Divorce?
It’s a law of science that every action has a reaction, and divorce is no different. Divorce brings about large changes, and feelings of grief, failure, loneliness, inadequacy, and rejection can all be a part of that chance. Ending a marriage—especially one that’s several years old—requires serious alterations to your lifestyle as well. You’ll need to alter your finances, living situation, and even some traditions that you’ve established as a couple. You’ll need to face the sadness and anger of your children, friends, and other family members. And of course, you’ll need to let go of your spouse completely, and be willing to let them live a separate and independent life without you.
If you’re not ready to face these changes and consequences that come in the wake of a divorce, you may not be ready to file for one after all.
Whether you’re still considering a divorce or you’re confident that you’re ready to file, we can help you find ways to protect yourself and your assets during the divorce process. Contact The Harr Law Firm today.