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What to Do When Second-Guessing Your Decision to Divorce

  • May 01, 2021
  • The Harr Law Firm

Upset couple sitting on sofa and looking away from each otherIt’s natural to second-guess major decisions in your life—even the ones that are absolutely the right decision. The same is true of divorce. “Am I doing the right thing?” is a question many people encounter as they begin working through a divorce. But does this mean you need to reconsider your decision? Here are some important considerations for when you’re having these kinds of second thoughts.

Determine Their Source

Take a moment to consider where your feelings of regret might be coming from. It’s natural to feel lonely when you and your spouse have separated and are working through a divorce. You likely have years of habits and rituals that you subconsciously performed together every day, and having those routines taken out of your life can be unsettling. Even the simple feeling of sleeping in a bed alone can cause divorcees to rethink their decision to separate.

But being lonely does not mean that a divorce is the wrong decision for you. Being alone after years of a steady relationship can be frightening, but don’t let that fear guide you back into a relationship that’s no longer right for you.

Avoid Outside Pressure

Are you having second thoughts because someone is telling you to have them? When you’ve been in a long-term relationship, your circles of loved ones overlap significantly. There are many who love both of you and who love when the two of you are together. But this should not be about them. As well-intentioned as these individuals may be, they cannot and should not tell you what’s best for you and your relationship.

If you find yourself having second thoughts only after speaking with certain people, take a break. Get some distance from those individuals as you work out what your own feelings are, without interference from others.

Remember Why You Separated

People say that absence makes the heart grow fonder, and that’s not only true of the people we already love. Oftentimes, separating from your ex can cause the memories of why you separated to fade. The problems that led to your decision to divorce can seem insignificant when they’re not in your face every day. If you find yourself thinking about getting back together with your ex, try to take a moment to remember the reasons you separated.

Ask yourself, if none of those problems changed, could you genuinely be happy in that relationship? If you couldn’t find a way to resolve those issues before, odds are they won’t be resolved now, so you have to ask yourself what you can live with. If you really cannot be happy with the problems your relationship has, a little distance won’t change that. Going back to your ex will be going back to the very thing you were attempting to end.

Seek a Mediator

Of course, in some cases, a separation can lead to reconciliation. However, it’s incredibly important for your mental and emotional wellbeing (as well as for any children you may have together) that you only attempt to reconcile if you are absolutely certain that things can get better between you.

A good first step to achieving this is to meet with a mediator. A mediator can provide you with a neutral third party who can listen to your issues and help you to determine if you can work them out together. A mediator has no personal interest in whether you choose to separate or reconcile, and they may be able to offer you clarity on what the best decision is for your future—whether it be together or apart.

Speak to an Attorney

If you’re genuinely reconsidering your decision to divorce, speak to your attorney. A good divorce lawyer will not pressure you to pursue a divorce that you’re not committed to. And if you do decide to attempt a reconciliation, they may be able to offer advice on how to protect yourself and your assets should things go south again. You may also be able to discuss the possibility of drawing up a post-nuptial agreement with your spouse if you believe one might benefit you.

If you are considering a divorce, contact us at the Harr Law Firm. Our experienced divorce attorneys can help you through the process and ensure that your rights are protected. We can also assist with legal separations, if you’re uncertain whether or not divorce is right for you, and can help you create pre-nuptial and post-nuptial agreements that will protect you in the event of a divorce. Contact us for an appointment today.